In my years of coaching couples dealing with sexual challenges, a recurring theme has become very clear. The source of their bedroom dilemmas often starts outside of the bedroom manifesting during moments of intimacy.

At the heart of this issue lies genuine communication—or rather, the lack thereof.

I often suggest initiating heartfelt conversations as a starting point and for those hesitant to engage, I propose gamifying the experience with question cards. 

Over time, I’ve come to realize that many people don’t know the key differences between logical language and heart language.

Here are the basic differences between Logical vs. Heart language.

Logical language:

• Speaking To The Mind: Clear and concise explanations to drive your point home and make sure your debates are solid.
  
• Convincing: Have you ever tried swaying someone with stats, data, science and studies? It’s like trying to sell ice to an Eskimo, but with more arguing.

• No Feeling: logical language lays out a blueprint, leaving no room for imagination. Everything’s got rules.
  
• Egocentric: Wanting to be right all the time, by trying to prove the other person wrong without listening or understanding what they have to say. Listening or accepting a different point of view is out of the question, because the ego can’t take rejection.
  
• Argumentative: Logical language can turn into being aggressive, argumentative, and emotionally draining. It’s trying to convince and convert the other person through persuasion.

Heart Language:

• Emotional Resonance: What you say evokes strong emotions in the listener – this can be in the form of tears, laughter, goose bumps, etc..– it’s not a debate, but a communion.
  
• Genuine: No fake news here. What comes out feels sincere, coming from a place of honesty rather than deception.
  
• Egoless: I am not concerned with my ego; I am concerned with your wellbeing. I am not concerned to prove something to strengthen my ego. I am coming from a place of helping you and wanting to uplift you. I want to support your growth.
  
• Openness: Allowing for genuine expression of one’s innermost thoughts and feelings without fear of rejection or harsh judgment.
  
• Healing: Like a verbal spa day, letting out all the heaviness that’s weighing you down. Talking about painful truths.
  
• Inspirational: Uplifting, igniting passion, motivation and a sense of purpose. Re-enforcing the bond of being a team.

This doesn’t mean that heart language is superior to logic; logic often falls short when it comes to matter of the heart and intimacy.

Here is an excerpt from one of my favorite Erotica writers from the 1940’s, Anaïs Nin. Her use of language is a sensory experience.

“Words carry colors and sounds into the flesh?  Sex loses all its power and magic when it becomes explicit, mechanical, overdone, when it becomes a mechanistic obsession.

 It becomes a bore. You have taught us more than anyone I know how wrong it is not to mix it with emotion, hunger, desire, lust, whims, caprices, personal ties, deeper relationships which change its color, flavor, rhythms, intensities.” You can read the whole letter here.

So, do you want to create Logic or Magic?