How To Be A Confident Lover - Pleasure vs. Performance

I am in constant admiration when I meet men who take the time and effort to learn the arts of sexuality and love.

Learning how to cultivate his staying power and creating a healthy balance between strong male sex drive and the capacity to relax and enjoy sensual pleasures that do not require ejaculation as a goal.

If there is one question I often get asked by men in many different forms it’s “how can I be a better or more Confident lover?”

After so many conversations with men and women I’ve come to a couple realizations:

1) Most men need to understand sex – women need to feel sex.

2) Many men are confused when a woman doesn’t respond the same way he does when he is aroused.

Most women’s sexuality is spread all throughout her body. For many men this is a foreign concept as he only feels the urge in his penis.

Often, we women have sex when we are not ready, because we don’t want to hurt a man’s feelings and want to please him.

We lessen our own needs, hesitating to say, “Wait, I’m not ready or I want something else.”

We’re afraid we will displease him or be rejected if we don’t deliver.

Too many women are not experiencing the pleasures they crave during sex, partly because many men simply don’t know enough about the fascinating and mysterious female sexual anatomy and have no understanding of how to connect with her sexually.

A woman’s pleasure is a very powerful force. A woman’s overall well being is often affected by the quality of her sexual experiences.

Often times sex for her is only a genital affair of hard and fast. There is definitely a time and place for that too.

But, most women are attracted to the sensuality of sex – not only to the sex act itself, but to the richness of the whole experience – touch, taste, smell and sounds.

We want the type of sex that nourishes us and puts a smile on our face for days.

Making love is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Awareness and attitude can intensify both partners’ sexual experience and pleasure.

Here are some suggestions you can immediately apply to your love life to become a Confident Lover.

1) Stimulating Her Body Before Penetration

The entire mind-body system has a biological capacity for pleasure that can be stimulated in many ways.

We often refer to this process as foreplay, and most men see foreplay as too much work or an obligation – something they have to do, but they don’t want to.

Of course, not all women require foreplay, but many do because her body has to go through the arousal process where her vaginal canal gets longer and wider to comfortably accept the penis.

When this doesn’t happen, she ends up experiencing pain instead of pleasure.

What most men fail to understand is that a woman’s sexuality is spread all throughout her body, not just her vagina.

2) The Power Of Touch

A good lover’s hands never stop moving. Pope John Paul II once said “the hands are the heart’s landscape.

Touch effects our entire organism, it’s ten times stronger than verbal or emotional contact, and it affects everything we do.

No other sense can arouse us like touch.

A lot of women crave being touched, because it makes her feel desired, attractive, relaxed, sensual and sexual.

Touching her slowly and sensually allows you to learn which areas are her pleasure centers.

3) Surrendering To You

For a woman to melt into the experience, she has to allow herself to let go and be completely open.

The only way she can be taken with intense pleasure is to be relaxed in your presence.

This means she has to trust and feel you. Not just feel you inside her, but feel your presence.

She has to feel that you are capable of providing a safe space for her to completely let go.

4) Performing Vs. Deep Penetration

Penetrate her body with yours when she’s ready to receive you.

Practice many styles of penetrative thrusts – shallow and deep, fast and slow, filling her with the strength of your body and being continuously sensitive to her responses.

A man is turned on by a woman’s smile, moans, the way she moves, and her radiant energy.

A woman is turned on by a man’s strength, depth of presence and his attentiveness to her.

Are you putting on a show to impress her? When you perform, you put too much pressure on yourself and then you can’t relax enough to enjoy anything.

Making love is sensual, not just physical. It’s not an exercise.

It’s an erotically pleasurable journey of discovery.

Be relaxed, natural, and open.

When you are yourself, things flow effortlessly.

When you remain relaxed and “in the moment” with your lover, you will give her far more pleasure than you ever could by only mastering a new technique.