One of my friends is going through a divorce and he keeps saying, “The vibrator ruined my marriage.”

Of course this is not exactly a true statement as there are many variables that lead to a breakup or a divorce.

But why do so many women including married women rely on vibrators for their sexual satisfaction?

There is definitely no ‘one’ answer and there can be multiple reasons why single and married women use their vibrators.

It also doesn’t make its use right or wrong.

One of the most common complaints I get from men is “I wish she was more vocal during sex and told me what she likes.”

They say communication is the best lubrication, but for some women it takes them out of the juicy moment when they have to stop and speak during the height of their pleasure.

Many people communicate with sounds (moans and groans) not with words during high state of arousal.

A woman expresses her inner feelings through her sexual body. 

Most men don’t understand how this works because they are frustrated that a woman can’t be more expressive or be more precise in guiding him to her pleasure and desire.

What many don’t realize is that they seek responses in tangible formats, guidance that are vocalized.

He asks, “Where’s the spot? Is this the spot?”

But her body is speaking through sound, movement or energy exchange. Not words.

She speaks the language of the body and her communication sometimes is subtle, the feminine is not designed to be concrete.

Focusing on the Joy of the Other

A few months ago one of our readers wrote this beautiful email to us.

“I remember attending a wedding some years ago and the priest said something truly profound that I believe has bearing on your discussion and just about every experience we have along our journey.

The priest proclaimed that “a perfect marriage comes from the husband waking in the morning and asking himself, “How can I make my wife happy today? What will please her?”

And similarly the wife waking in the morning and asking herself the very same question, “How can I make my husband happy today? What will please him?”

These questions are selfless and focused on the empowerment and joy of the other person.

Unfortunately, our civilization and society encourages a rather more selfish mindset, one that tends to ask, “How can my husband please me?”

When both partners are pulling their energy towards themselves, the relationship in all facets ends up being a tug of war, a negotiation and compromise.

This is the same energy we bring to sex, “How will it be for me?”

We think we will receive the things to which we give most of our attention and focus.

Spiritual wisdom however shows us that you attract what you are, not what you desire.

If you want or desire truly meaningful, connected, beautiful sex, you have to be ready, able and willing to give it first.

The old cliché rings true; “You get out what you put in!” And this is true for both people.

I love the ideas expressed in “sacred sexuality“.

But we all possess the capacity to connect profoundly through sex if we open ourselves to our own innate creativity and to our giving energies.

Sacred Sexuality, unlike religions, is a bridge to the divine.

We should use whatever bridge is most useful but never forget that after we’ve crossed the bridge, there’s a deep, loving, blissful connection with another soul that awaits us.

Is A Vibrator To Blame?

Vibrators are tools that some women choose to use to enjoy their sexuality in conjunction to sex. It’s neither bad or good – it’s a matter of personal preference.

Vibrators don’t have to ruin marriages and shouldn’t be feared by men, especially if it can be incorporated to enhance pleasure. Can it become addictive? Sure, like everything else if we allow it to take over.

Image Credit | alejandro_galindo